It’s my pleasure to introduce you to Gillian’s Guide to Gratitude. The world around us is ever changing, and we’re always searching for the next big thing. Allow me to tell you what I learned as a 23 year old cancer patient, who is now a year officially cancer free and a business owner. This isn’t to shame anyone, what brings me joy may not bring it to you. That’s more than ok. What I do want is to help you discover what brings YOU joy. 

I’m going to tell you how I’ve shifted my mindset from wanting what my soul didn’t NEED, to how I’ve found joy and gratitude in the smaller things in life.

 I won’t forever be the girl who had cancer, while that happened to me and helped shape the way I now think, there’s more to me than that. I’ve found who I am at my core. I AM a good friend and daughter. I still find myself lost in the pages of fantasy books, sometimes rereading the same ones I’ve loved since middle school. I’m a proud dog mom, so proud I named my salon after her – Willows Bloom Salon. I love taking drives and still blaring One Direction music, and then following it up with some Atilla. I am more than my illness, I’m Gillian. Who are you? 

We are all prone to taking things for granted. In this day and age, everything we want is just a few clicks away. I took it for granted too,  sometimes I’m still fighting the urge. But what if one day, in a few sentences, your entire life changes. One minute you’re healthy, 23, starting your dream career and then everything comes to a crashing halt. You’re told you have cancer. 

I won’t lie and say I was instantly just OK with my diagnosis, and I don’t believe I’ve even fully processed what happened to me. I think that will happen when I start having more conversations about it. What I have processed is how thankful and grateful I am for the life I’m back to living. 

 There were days where I thought about how unfair it was, how confused I was. Every moment leading up to my diagnosis was laced in confusion on what was going on with my body. What my doctors led me to believe was just my PCOS, then it was a pregnancy, then it was a miscarriage, then I was still pregnant but it wasn’t viable. After all of that, we landed on stage 1 mixed germ cell ovarian cancer. The way to sum it up is, my body was an overachiever. I couldn’t just have one type of cancer, I had a four in one. 

At 23, I had to decide if I wanted to postpone Chemotherapy for a month to do IVF, even if I wasn’t sure if I wanted a family one day. 

At 23, I had to decide to leave my life in Tennessee in order to get the best treatment possible for this aggressive cancer.  

At 23, I couch hopped during my treatments between my different families living in New York- where I’m from. 

What if it wasn’t a “I had” but an “I GOT to situation. I had the opportunity to make hard decisions, when others don’t. I got to complete IVF, in case I decide I want to have a family one day. I got to go home in New York, where my family graciously hosted my Mom and me while I went through treatment. I had a place to sleep, to try and relax after my intense regimen of BEP. 

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In all the bad around me, I had to look at the good that’s happened over the last year and a half. Whether that was people I’ve been able to meet, things I’ve done, hobbies I’ve discovered, and the strengthened old friendships. It’s forced me to realize it’s the smallest things that I missed. 

I missed putting my hair in a ponytail, I missed hanging out on my best friend’s couch watching the same shows we’ve been watching since high school. I missed my dog, who had to stay with her trainer while I was getting treated. I missed being able to stand up without feeling like I was going to get sick or stand in the sun without feeling faint. 

But with all of that being said, let’s get back to the point of all of this. Finding joy and gratitude when things get hard. Appreciate where you’re at, know that even if it’s not where you want to be because one day it could all start to make sense. If I didn’t get sick, I maybe wouldn’t have the motivation I’ve found to push myself to a new high, when my Doctors told me I wouldn’t physically be able to work in the salon for almost seven months – yet I found my way back just a month after treatment ended. 

With the help of my family, I’m now a 25 year old business owner. I’m in a new book club ( which I happen to be quite proud of ), and I get to see the people I love on a weekly basis. No, I’m not rich in your usual sense but I’ve found myself rich in other ways. I’m rich in the way my best friends check in on me, who would scream FUCK CANCER but laugh with me right after. I’m rich in the way my Mom often walks into my room with a cup of my favorite coffee. I’m rich because two of my closest friends flew to New York just to sit in a hospital room with me for a week and to road trip me back to Tennessee when I was done with treatment ( on her birthday no less ) . I’m rich because my cousin Jess would indulge me after she’d get off work, when I was too weak to drive but needed to get out of the house, she’d drive me to the pier and we could sit in her car since there’s no way I had the energy to walk.  I’m rich because of the community and family I’ve built around myself. 

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I recently took a trip to Huntington Beach, CA and I was nearly brought to tears by seeing my first whale on a whale watching excursion. While living in Tennessee, obviously I’m landlocked. I used to hate just sitting on a beach on previous vacations and just watching waves. I got bored, looking for the next fast attraction to occupy my time with instead of appreciating what was right in front of me. Finally allowing myself to just exist in the space I was in, brought an inner peace I didn’t know I was missing. 

I spent a day with a stylist that I have followed and I’ve admired since I was in cosmetology school.

Lisa Giles held a mirror to my face, and gave my healing journey a proper kick in the butt. She’s encouraged me in ways I didn’t expect, and I will forever be grateful to her for giving me a piece of ME back- along with a killer ponytail. She helped me realize how strong I was. Sure, my Mom has told me before, but frankly every time I colored outside of the lines she’s told me it’s a masterpiece so she’s a little biased. 

Here are some of my suggestions to find what works for you. If you’re feeling stuck and alone, lean into it. Open up your community and your mind to new people and experiences. It doesn’t have to cost you any money, I know first hand what it’s like to struggle financially. Focus on what makes you happy.

 If you’re a gamer? Try looking into some local facebook groups, even if it’s scary going to a meetup alone you could meet a whole new group of friends to hang out with. 

Are you passionate about animals? Contact your local shelter, see if you can volunteer or do the whole take a dog on a date day- I for one love seeing those videos and watching how excited the dogs are when they get to go out for the day. Maybe you’ll meet your new furry best friend. 

Are you really into music? Check local listings to see if there’s any small artists playing in areas, odds are if you open yourself up while you’re there you could meet new friends as well. 

There are so many benefits in this day and age to the internet- as well as the bad that comes with it. My point is, even if your niche is so so small and you don’t think there are others around you that also enjoy it you could be wrong. 

I do also think it’s important to find joy and gratitude by yourself, while having a community is important you should also be able to be at peace by yourself. That’s another thing I’ve learned, how important it is to protect and nurture my peace. It’s YOUR life, live it for you. Don’t be pressured to do what everyone else is doing. 7 out of 10 times, you can find me home and buried so deep in a book. That’s ok, I’m not missing out on things going on outside because I am happy here. I’m at peace here. That will look different for you, and that’s more than ok.

Peep the beautiful crochet blanket my sister-in-law made for my cozy corner.

 Don’t wait for your world turning on its axis be what causes you to change like I did. Take charge now. I could have wallowed in my misery, because trust me there were days I was absolutely miserable. I had to stop and think about myself. Did I want to become a miserable person and allow my circumstances to screw up my outlook on the world or did I want to take charge? I’m not saying that I don’t still have bad days, I’m human. You’re human. We’re allowed to have bad days and not feel guilty over it, however, don’t let your bad days turn into weeks or months or even years. Fight for your joy and peace because YOU deserve it. You deserve to be happy.

So, find what little things bring you joy. Love loudly, and fully. Appreciate the perfect cup of coffee or tea. Appreciate when you have no plans with your friends except to just exist in the same place together, don’t continue to look for the next big trend. Find your simple joy, something that belongs to you and yours. Maybe for me, put your hair in a ponytail.

All my love, and looking forward to talking again soon ,Gillian LoPiccolo – Mraz

If you find yourself in need of someone to talk to, a book recommendation or a new look for a new you . Feel free to contact me here